Warning: Raw and Vulnerable

Tears fill my eyes as I type these words. Sometimes I wonder if God is listening to my prayers. The truth is, in the messy middle of life, things just don’t make sense.

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, which is an autoimmune disease affecting the lining of the digestive tract.

Crohn’s has changed my life forever.

My body is unpredictable. I never know when something I eat could cause abdominal pain, diarrhea, and fevers. Last night was the fourth night in the same week that I ran fever.

I write about having a strong marriage and family, but the truth is that I often feel weak. My mind can easily become discouraged. I pray everyday. I eat a very strict, healthy diet. I get an IV infusion every six weeks, but my body still struggles.

I have a feeling you may be like me–in the middle of something hard. During this pandemic, many people have lost family members and are unable to conduct a funeral to properly grieve. Fear can easily grip your heart when you listen to the news and hear of the number of people dying. Maybe you’ve dealt with the stress of a job loss as well.

We are all in the messy middle in some way. Sometimes life simply does not make sense! The good new is that you and I have a hope. I would like to share with you what brings me peace in the middle of my storm.

What brings me peace in the messy middle?

1. Taking care of my soul.

When I sit on my back porch swing and listen to the voices of God’s creation, I experience the presence of God, which brings serenity to my soul. Reading the truth from God’s word helps combat negative thoughts that bombard my brain.

2. Showing myself compassion

The messy middle can feel defeating. Right now, I feel like a normal human being maybe fifty percent of the time… the other fifty, I feel extreme fatigue and pain. On tough days, I’ve learned not to beat myself up if I don’t get my task list completed.

3. Allowing others to help me.

Recently, Mica and my children gathered around me praying once again for healing. I’m so thankful for their love and compassion! When I’m in a flare, I depend on them for meals and keeping our home running. Most importantly, I need their prayer and moral support! My prayer for you is that you also will feel hope in your messy middle. May these words from my best friend fill your heart with peace.